Ten principles and one key to educate correctly (3: The love between the parents).

The first thing a child needs to be educated is for his parents to love each other.

Love again… between the spouses!

«We make sure he lacks nothing and we give him whatever he wants, yet…»

We often hear statements like this, given by parents who apparently devote themselves to their children: healthy food, supplements and vitamins; more and more sophisticated toys, mobile phones and computers with every imaginable feature; brand-name clothes and accessories; vacations at the beach or in the snow, endless recreational activities without limit of time or price; the solving of problems or issues for the children; bringing them places in the car when it would be better for them to take the bus or go on foot, etc.

These are parents who apparently give themselves to their children, but who – perhaps without realizing it – forget the most important thing the children need: that their own parents love each other and are united.

Let’s not forget the only radically important thing:
our reciprocal love as spouses.

Love at the foundation

The parents’ mutual affection is what brought the children into the world. And the same reciprocal love should complete the work that was begun, helping the children reach the fulfillment and the happiness to which they are called.

As natural complement to procreation, education has to be moved by the same motivating cause that engendered the child: the parents’ mutual love.

Quite a few centuries ago, it was said that when the baby emerged from the womb, where the amniotic liquid protected and fed him, he demanded another womb and another liquid without which he could not grow and develop: those that the father and mother bring into being when they truly love each other.

Education has to be moved
by the same causes that gave que the child life.

A love that the children perceive

That is why, as the natural result of their reciprocal love, each of the spouses must:

Delicately demonstrate, for the children to see as well, their affection toward their husband or wife. There is probably nothing more gratifying and educational for a child than to see how his parents love each other: there is where he learns what love is and how a person should be treated.

And as a consequence: hold up the image of the other spouse before the children and avoid anything that could diminish their love for your spouse.

Even when the children are very young, their parents have to show their affection for each other, prudently but clearly, with words and deeds: «I will never be able to thank my parents enough for the loving kisses they gave each other in front of me,» a 25-year-old girl told me recently.

Even when the children are very young,
their parents have to show their affection for each other,
with prudence and clarity.

Be attentive to the details too

And they have to take care:

♦  Not to reproach each other or make ironic comments about each other in front of the children.

♦ Not allow what the other prohibits. The question that should come out almost by instinct when a child or daughter asks for something should be: «What did your father (or mother) tell you?» Even if you have a different opinion, you should talk privately with your spouse to get on the same page.

♦ Completely avoid certain aberrant recommendations to the child that would lead him or her to distrust the other spouse, such as «Don’t tell this to mom or dad.»

♦ And many other details like these.

What is more, since our mutual love is at the origin of our children’s conception and development, every time we are with one of them, we have to try to understand him, love him, and treat him also with the intellect, the heart, and the way of being of our spouse: the child needs both spouses, mutually loving each other.

In short, the parents’ mutual love is the main and unavoidable motor for each child’s proper development.

The parents’ mutual love
is the main motor of the children’s educational development.

(to be continued)

 

Tomás Melendo
www.edufamilia.com
tmelendo@uma

See also:

1. Ten principles and one key to educate correctly: Educating is not easy

2. Ten principles and one key to educate correctly: Real love for each child

3.Ten principles and one key to educate correctly: The love between the parents

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